Hierarchy at Work

比喻

又一年过去了
分享下我觉得挺有意思的比喻

1. 蜘蛛：能坐享其成，靠的就是那張關係網。
2. 蝦：大紅之日，便是大悲之時。
3. 天平：誰多給一點，就偏向誰。
4. 瀑布：因居高臨下，才口若懸河。
5. 鋸子：伶牙俐齒，專做離間行為。
6. 氣球：只要被人一吹，便飄飄然了。
7. 鐘錶：可以回到起點，卻已不是昨天。
8. 核桃：沒有華麗的外表，卻有充實的大腦。
9. 指南針：思想穩定，東西再好也不被誘惑。
10. 花瓶：外表再漂亮，也掩不住內心的空虛。
11. 樹葉：得勢時趾高氣揚，失意時威風掃地。
12. 歷史的標點全是問號，歷史的幕後全是驚嘆號！
13. 年輕人以為教育可以取代經驗，年長者以為經驗可以取代教育。
14. 飯桌上批孩子，大人傷神，孩子傷胃，全家傷心。
15. 父母想念子女就像流水一樣，一直在流;
      而子女想念父母就像風吹樹葉，風吹一下，就動 一下，風不吹，就不動。
16. 夫妻倆過日子要像一雙筷子：
      一是誰也離不開誰; 二是什麼酸甜苦辣都能一起嘗。
17. 揮不去的是記憶，
      留不住的是年華，
      拎不起的是失落，
      放不下的是情感，
      輸不起的是尊嚴。
18. 因為電話，信箋少了;
      因為時尚，布料少了;
      因為空調，汗水少了;
      因為應酬，親情少了;
      因為宴會，食欲少了;
      因為競爭，悠閒少了......

taken from here

5 lessons to learn

Enjoy and Learn


A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

Lesson I - Always allow the bosses to speak first.

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Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine.
"I just need one copy."

Lesson II - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

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An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

Lesson III - Never insult anyone.

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There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted"WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes accidents do happen.

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The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

Lesson VI - No matter who you are, or how important you think you are, you will find that it is always the ASSHOLE that is in charge.

3-Minute Management Course

Lesson One:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
___________________________________________________________

Lesson Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
___________________________________________________________

Lesson Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the three minute management course.

Balance Sheet of Life

Our Birth is our Opening Balance
Our Death is our Closing Balance
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

How people in science see each other

created by @biomatushiq

bit extreme, but somewhat true. lol.

Fire Drill that Left Me Speechless

The draggy start...
The chaotic distribution of lab nameboard...
The sub-standard SCDF who can't find the mock casualties...

"拜托. 藏到酱明显还找不到. 真的是烂到......... I'm gonna haunt you..."

还有消防演习...可不可以不要找个口音重的印X人来报告重要事物.​.. 听不懂叻...

I was expecting something from the fancy e-mail of 'real smoke, as realistic as possible, etc'.
lol. maybe I was expecting too much.

How to do Plant Science

Extracted from
From flour to flower: how Polycomb group proteins influence multiple aspects of plant development.
Hsieh TF, Hakim O, Ohad N, Fischer RL.
Trends Plant Sci. 2003 Sep;8(9):439-45.

Download from ScienceDirect, Click HERE.

An llustrated Guide to a Ph.D.

A few pictures say it all

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Imagine a circle that contains all of human knowledge:

By the time you finish elementary school, you know a little:

By the time you finish high school, you know a bit more:

With a bachelor's degree, you gain a specialty:

A master's degree deepens that specialty:

Reading research papers takes you to the edge of human knowledge:

Once you're at the boundary, you focus:

You push at the boundary for a few years:

Until one day, the boundary gives way:

And, that dent you've made is called a Ph.D.:

Of course, the world looks different to you now:

So, don't forget the bigger picture:

Keep pushing.

Taken from The Illustrated Guide to a Ph.D by Matt Might: http://matt.might.net/articles/phd-school-in-pictures/

2000 words... Done & Submitted

2000 words in 3 days...
NUS has trained me well...

Attachment: The role of inter-cellular communication in plant development

Lab Safety, can be so different...

Safety from the point of view of a safety manager who deals with admin stuff
"You must wear lab coat, it's an image of the institute."
"You must throw your used gloves into the biohazard bin. If external auditor see this in normal waste bin, it will affect our reputation."
"I hope you all can follow the rules, hopefully next year we can pass the safety review with better mark."


Safety from the point of view of a deputy CEO who does lab work
"You must follow the protocol. You are responsible for your own health and safety. Do wear gloves & lab coat when touching EtBr contaminated gels."
"You must treat your waste carefully. Think of the environment when you discharge contaminants into the drain, when you pour them down the sink. Be responsible to the environment."
"Safety is not something about pass or fail. It's not about I hope you will follow this or that. You ARE expected to comply to these regulations. Lastly, I wish you all a good research year with fruitful results."

Crazy Timetable...

Taking this module, BL 5221 PLANT AND MICROBIAL DEVELOPMENT, now.
At first glance at the schedule given, it seems ok. The usual NUS style 2 lectures per week.

But upon putting them into the calendar.
OMG! That's 3 lectures per week, with exam almost every fortnight, covering topics by 11 lecturers in just exactly 1.5 month.
Super crash course... Win....

After Monday & Tuesday, even the calendar says...

The e-mail Cycle

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I guess the same cycle applies to acebook

The Origin of Job Interviews

白痴，笨蛋，神经病之差异

白痴也者，白无义，重点在痴这个字。
医学上有定义智商低於某一标准，谓之白痴，但这不在讨论范围内。
一般人习惯以聪不聪明，来判断白不白痴，这点可以接受。

笨蛋也者，蛋无义，重点在笨这个字。
一般认为白痴与笨蛋是同义词，我却不这麽认为。
我认为应以是否具有智慧，来判断是否是笨蛋。

神经病也者，不正常的人是也。
而所谓正常与否，只是多寡之分而已，不代表对或错。
大家都喜欢黑色，那喜欢黑色的就是正常，而喜欢白色的便成了神经病。

我举几个例子说明：

(1) 吴叁桂引清兵入关，只为陈圆圆。正常人不作这种事，所以他是神经病。
为了女人，背上不忠之名，引来唾骂，并不聪明，所以他也是白痴。
然而他断送的是朱姓江山，得到的是吴姓老婆，何损失之有？
而且降清後，贵为亲王，帮崇祯拼死拼活，顶多只能混到公侯而已。
以这点而论，他绝不是笨蛋。

(2) 孙文十一次革命，正常人不会干，所以他是神经病。
冒着抄家灭族危险， 四海奔波，换得劳累困苦的一生以及不到六十的寿命，
并不聪明，所以也是白痴。
但他判断正确，认为非革命不足以救中国，先知卓见，可见他绝不是笨蛋。

(3) 在十字路口上碰到黄灯，十个人中有八个人会冲过去，
所以剩下的那两人是神经病。
明明可以过却不过，还得多等几分钟，白白浪费时间，并不聪明，
所以也是白痴。
但他们宁可牺牲数分钟，却少承担了一点发生意外的风险，
所失者寡，所得者众，所以他们反而不是笨蛋。

(4) 一般男人喜欢外表美 ，身材窈窕的女孩，但 jht 却不这麽认为，
所以他是神经病。
明明忙得要死，後天还得开个研讨会，不准备论文，却post一些有的没的，
很不聪明，所以是白痴。
但他认真灌Ladytalk板的水，也许有些美女心里一高兴，赏他一顿饭吃，
岂不得偿所愿？以此观之， jht 也绝不会是笨蛋。


至於高低之分，神经病不用分，因为只代表不正常而已，无所谓高低。
而白痴与笨蛋孰高孰低？
笨蛋们当然认为笨蛋高，不然他们也不会被白痴们叫做笨蛋。
至於白痴们，根本不care谁高谁低，因为高低是相对的概念，不是绝对的。
大家都考20分，你考30分就很高；
大家都考90分，你考80分就很低。

我讲完了，好累哦！我真是白痴。

by: jht (痞子蔡)